Have one more child and your family is complete!

This is fast becoming my pet-peeve, really. Ever since Namnam was born, I have had people ranging from my closest friends to not so close ones to relatives to neighbours to even acquaintances telling me how my family would be complete if I were to have one more child. And mostly the suggestion is with a definite reference to having a son. Over the years I have been trying to condition myself into ignoring them and yet there are times when a random decree like this chafes at my whole being and pushes me to retaliate.

When a person professes that a family is ideal when it has a son and a daughter, I’ve never really understood that line of thought. I have friends who have two daughters, some have two sons, some, like me, have stood by the one-child policy. I know plenty of people who have opted not to have any children even and yet are in perfect sync with their decisions. There are people who have adopted and have found the right balance in life. Does that make these families any less meaningful or complete?

So what constitutes a ‘complete family’? Is there a set definition for it? Who decides what is complete or best for a said family? The family concerned or the people outside of it? If I am to assume( in the context of the Indian society) that this idea took shape from the campaign of Hum do Hamare do( we two, ours two) which was mainly propagated to control the population growth, then would it mean that the onus of defining ‘ a complete family’ lies on our government/our politicians? The miserable failure of the campaign is enough for all of us to jump in and veto the option I’m sure. In which case the onus automatically falls on our society, right? Who will have added a new dimension to the slogan by telling the family that the set-up will be absolutely complete when it has a son and a daughter.

If you ask me, I’d say NO. No government, no society nobody would be responsible to define my family set-up. That power rests entirely on me and my husband. How can people assume what would make MY family complete? They are free to speak for themselves. If they feel having two sons, or three daughters or a son and a daughter is what makes a complete family then fine, that is probably what works for them. But please do not thrust that viewpoint on me. I can speak for myself. My husband and I have a daughter and our family is as complete as any other with one child or two children or three sons or no children. Oh and we have a new slogan for ourselves- Hum do Hamari Ek( We two, Ours one)

No ONE family is any more or less perfect or beautiful than the other. Every family is worthy and complete in its own way. Lets keep it that way

Onasadya, movie, summer break, et al.

So how was Onam for you all? Hope it was as yummyful as mine was. Yes I prepared a mini-sadya like I had mentioned in my earlier post, albeit with some able help from Amma whom I kept texting at frequent intervals for recipe-guidance . Even though it was not an elaborate spread as I would have loved to have, yet I had a sense of huge achievemnt when I laid them on the table. You see, one must consider my hatred for cooking and anything remotely close to the chore to understand this sense of accomplishment .

And this sense was magnified when R perched on top of the table to click a photograph Here’s the proof …

Onasadya @ Deeps'

I have to say though, that Namnam, the fussy-eater that she is, had to be told that Maveli would come home and have sadya with us only on the condition that she would eat all that was prepared. Upon hearing this she, very excitedly, looked around only to enquire about his obvious absence. Now, being such a happy occasion, the last thing we wanted was for her to feel dejected. So I told her that now since he was blessed, he was just like God who could see her and reside in her heart. The things a mother has to say to get her daughter to eat . Anyway, needless to say she was convinced and agreed to eat without much fuss. And just one look at the relished-faces of the father & daughter was enough for me to take it as a stamp of approval for my effort .

After a good sadya followed by an afternoon siesta, it was time to venture out. Since it was a weekend, we had good one day and a half and enough energy to make some constructive use of it. But the blockhead that I was, I suggested we go for a movie instead! And which one ,you may ask! It was Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. Yeah yeah, hoot all you want . How was I to know that it was one of the most pathetic movies to come out in the recent past? The reason why I suggested the film was because I thought we’d get to see some interesting acting. Noooo, nooo, not Imran Khan’s! C’mon I’m not so stupid that I’d expect him to act, of all the people! In fact I was more interested in watching Ali Zafar who I had really liked in Tere Bin Laden. And it had some peppy songs which Namnam loved, so it was not a task to convince her to come along. But half hour into the movie and we realized the true worth of it or worthlessness of it, rather.

All it had to offer was Katrina Kaif, who seemed to have used up all her acting skills on shrieking, shrieking and more shrieking! I’m sure she will give a stiff competition to Anu Malik, really. Ok now I completely respect her decision to dub in her own voice, but could she, please, not mouth dialogues of timeless classics in her ‘brit’ accent and make a hash of them?? Some classics are just meant to be what they are- classics! Just let them be. Filmmakers, are you listening?? And Imran Khan, well…he seemed to have tried to make up for his lack of acting skills by relying heavily on his eyebrows! Needless to mention, they failed miserably. Which hardly left Ali Zafar any space on screen. Or so I thought. Lets not even get into the plot or cinematography or music as there’s nothing worth mentioning.

So as it turned out, barely an hour or so into the movie, we were out of the hall and on our way back! Phew!

The next day passed by faster than I had thought as it was the last day of Namnam’s summer hols and we got busy packing the school bag, ironing the uniform, brushing her shoes, and of course stocking up the fridge with nuggets, and butter and jam and juice and other tidbits for the whole week.

So thats it from this end of the world. The summer break is officially over. Barring Federer’s loss in the US Open, the season has started on a promising note with some lovely weather in sight. I’m hoping it gets better and lasts for the rest of the year.

With that let me sign out out my blog page and start hopping by yours

Weekend Randomness (NaBloPoMo- Take 3)

Good Morning!

Its going to be almost 10 in the morning and our day just started about half hour back. Namnam is still sleeping though and R & I are lazing around with our morning tea and laughing our heads off watching Friends. Yep, its weekend and we start the day on a laughing and a lazy note .

Courtesy Google Images

In fact the laziness starts to set in from Thursday evening itself. My kitchen becomes non-functional because I become non-functional, unless of course we have guests over. For someone who hates cooking, I find the whole process of scrounging through the refrigerator for vegetables and deciding on what to cook every single day and evening of the week extremely monotonous through the week, something I find very very boring. And to top it up with cutting those vegetables( thankfully I have my house-help who does that for me most of the days), taking the pan out , heating oil, sauting, boiling, adding spices, garnishing!! Grrrrr! So one of the reasons I look forward to weekends is that I get to stay away from cooking because we are out mostly.

And Y’day we applied the non-functional rule on the kitchen and ate out. R & I talked and talked about mundane things with Namnam chipping in with her own updates of her school life. And a constant reminder that she was to bake a cake right after we got home because she wanted to take it to her friend. I kept ‘aye-ing’ to her to escape the pestering. We got back around 10 in the night and madam still remembered her unfinished chore of baking the cake. The pestering went for another hour or so till I convinced her that it was too late bake and take the cake to her friend’s as she would be asleep and that it would be better if she made it in the morning.

And now Namnam is up and the first thing she says is that she has to bake! I wonder if she even slept through the night! Anyway I dont think there’s anymore scope to escape. So am off to help mademoiselle to bake the cake .

Guess the day is not going to be about being non-functional and lazing around after all!!

If the cake turns out well, it will settle my tomorrow’s NaBloPoMo post else will have to think of something else to bore you all with! Stay tuned!

On a different note though, what do you all think about the whole Osama-hullabaloo? Do you really believe all that is being said? I think there’s something fishy in the whole encounter. I somehow want to believe all that Obama & his commandos are conveying or are trying to but I cant help but notice the timing of all this announcement just when he is due to contest the election for the second consecutive run in office.

Anyway, have a wonderful weekend, all you living in this side of the world . And to the rest, have a great day ahead

Does marriage change a person?

**For the long rant, blame me not, but PNA . Her post prompted me to write it **

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Let me rephrase it and ask that question to myself. Has marriage changed me? Well, I’d say it will depend on the way I look at change. If it means change in the way I smile then I’d say no, marriage hasn’t changed me. I still smile the same. If it is change in the way I walk, then no again. I still walk the same- very fast! If it means change in my choice of clothes, then no. I like to wear my saris and suits just as much as I love to wear my jeans and tees. And I still wear them, albeit the size has changed though .

Thats the kind of change the society normally expects a girl to undergo as soon as she attains the ‘married’ tag, right? She is told, ‘Ok, now that you’re married, this is how you should smile, this is how you should eat, this is how you should sit, this is how you should talk to your husband, this is what you should be wearing,” ” What? Jeans? Nooooo, you should only wear sarees” so on and so forth. She has to endure piercing glares from them if she is heard addressing her own husband by his name and not ‘ettan/chettan** or A-ji, O-ji Sunoji. She is expected to change her approach towards her parents and give more importance to her in-laws. She is even asked to seek permission from them if she wishes to see her parents. Oh yes, I’ve come across households where such norms are practiced.

This is what bothers me. How can the society judge how a marriage should or should not work. Its for the people involved in the relationship to decide isnt it? If I choose to address my husband by his name, does it make me respect him any less? If I spend time with my parents just as much as I do with my inlaws, does it mean that I’m dishonoring my marriage? Or if I choose to put sindoor in my forehead can I claim that I wish for my husband’s well-being more than any other woman wishes for her husband? No. It will be so wrong on my part to even compare my love and respect for my spouse with anybody else. Its a matter of choice and understanding between the people involved. If my family and R’s family know what they mean to us and if R & I know and accept what we mean to our respective families, then I dont think any society can or should tell us how we should make our marriage work.

If thats what changing is then I can safely say I’ve NOT changed one bit. I’m fortunate and blessed to have grown up in a family which hardly paid any attention to these ridiculous societal norms as well as married into a family that didnt care for such norms either.

So when I was married some 10 years back I was accepted along with my giggly smile, my loud laugh, my brisk-walking style and much more. Not once was I made to feel as though I had to change myself. In fact R & my parents-in-law went out of their way to make me feel comfortable and welcome from day one.

My mother-in-law, who hated cooking, used to make my favorite dishes and wait for me to get back from work so she could surprise me! Imagine coming home after a hard day’s work, to the delicious sight of your favorite mutton-curry! When it was the season of mangoes, my father-in-law, who couldn’t stand the sight of the fruit, would go about in search of the ripest mangoes so I could gorge on them.

When my mother-in-law, an ardent follower of Mata Amritanandamayi, expressed a desire to take me to her ashram in Vallikavu, I agreed to go, despite having my own reservations about ‘Amma’ because I felt for someone who cared so much about my happiness, my likes and dislikes, this was the least I could do to make her happy. No I was not forced to change my beliefs, I still maintained my reservations. I went there out of my own will, purely because, to me my mother-in-law’s happiness mattered more than my staunch beliefs. A mother-in-law who cared about my happiness just as much. Believe me, when she was showing me around the ashram, introducing me to her friends there, the glee and excitement that I saw in her eyes is indescribable.

If this is what change is then I’ve no qualms in saying that marriage has changed me. I have become more understanding towards relationships, more tolerant, more patient, more giving. And I can confidently say the same for my husband too. If I, who was a shy meek girl, am molded and pushed by my husband, into becoming this strong bold woman who is much surer of herself and if my husband who was a blunt and rough person, is molded into becoming a more sensitive and thoughtful person, then I’d say this change is totally worth it. If marriage changes you in a positive way, if a husband and wife help each other to grow as a person, then the change should be welcome.Of course it has to be two-ways. You cant expect only one person to change. The other person has to put in just as much effort and care to nurture the relationship.

So if I ask myself again, ‘has marriage changed me as a person’ I’d say it sure has. For the better

** In many parts of Kerala, malayali wives address their husbands as Ettan/Chettan as a mark of respect, which in literal sense means big brother