Another voice against Domestic Violence.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Solilo,Smitha,IHM,Lakshmi,Hypermom,Swaram have each written a post on domestic violence and done their bit to spread the awareness. Passionate Goof,even touched upon a relevant issue of child abuse to tell us all about how grave and sensitive the situation is.

After reading each of their take, I didnt think there was anything left for me to contribute.They had voiced their concerns in a much better way than I could have mine.

But a simple gesture by my daughter,yesterday,made me sit up and think of not only those children who were being abused but also those who were being affected by simply witnessing their loved ones being abused.

R and I got into an argument about something as trivial as buying a furniture.The argument went on for a bit longer than usual. Eventually we reached a consensus and the matter was pushed aside. Namnam, was doing her own thing in her room, so we were pretty much sure that she didnt care much about what had transpired between us.

The day was being spent just as usual. Nothing noticeable. But what I didn’t fail to notice was how Namnam was being extra careful in making sure R & I joined her in whatever she did,together. Whether it be painting, or playing badminton, or watching television, or simply running around the house. She even insisted,at one point that R & I played badminton with each other and she watched us play. Even while I was busy doing my chores, she dragged me midway to join her while R read us stories !

And then the most beautiful thing happened. Namnam simply got up and asked me & R to say ‘I love you’ to each other. The minute we said that and turned to look at her, she threw herself on us to hug tightly and said ,’I love you too’! The look of sheer happiness on her face is inexplicable. It was as though all her efforts had been paid off.

This is when it was clear that she did care about the argument that ensued between R & me earlier in the day. I realized how important it was for her that her parents loved each other just as she loved them .
If one slight argument between her parents could affect a 3year old , imagine the plight of those children who must be witnessing their mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent or even a friend being abused mercilessly day in and day out in front of their eyes .

Almost all of us have come across cases where women are beaten black and blue, raped , paraded naked in public. Where men are tortured no less. Where young girls are caged and raped for years by their own fathers. Where young boys are sodomized or forced into male prostitution. Where aged are thrown out of homes by their own children like dirt. Where small children are physically and mentally tortured by their monster-high-expectations-ridden-parents! Not just one,but every section of our society is susceptible to the dangers of Domestic Violence.

It also includes those who silently witness abuse being meted out to their loved ones.They are as much the victims.

One way to combat and condemn this menace is by spreading awareness about the same and letting the victims know its not their destiny. They have every right to change it.The Bell Bajao campaign is a movement in the right direction to bring domestic violence to an end. So are the efforts of so many of us bloggers who are spreading word by writing about it.

I do not know how far and wide this drive to spread awareness will reach.But if even one person realizes that there is an option to call out for help,then,in my opinion the intention is well served.

Today is the last day of the month, however let this not be the end of our drive towards living in a world sans domestic violence. Keep spreading awareness.

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56 thoughts on “Another voice against Domestic Violence.

  1. Awww.. that was so sweet!

    Someone said this correctly, “a child with a room full of books and parent who love each other (as well as the child, of course) is the blessed one!”

    Good one for the cause πŸ™‚

    D: Thank you,Sakhi. πŸ™‚

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  2. Heyy, I need your kid…My colleagues are fighting over a chair too and I find it difficult to concentrate on my blog !! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ It would be gayish if they said I love you to each other, but what the heck, I just want them to fight right under my nose !!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    D: ha ha ha! give your collegues a pat on their backs from me..at least they managed to shake your concentration which means we’ll be saved from your torture for some time!! 😈

    Nevertheless, beautifully written and if anyone had mentioned right after your birth that you were blessed with a baby girl, they really meant it ! πŸ˜€

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  3. Very well written.

    The things we take it lightly,kid don’t.They think about what happened and they try on there way to pacify the things the way namnam kutty did.A big tight hug.

    D: Hug duly passed on,Sari :). Yes,children are very observant of their surroundings. And this is particularly relevant to those who grow up in an abusive environment.

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  4. Deeps, You have raised such an important point! Kids notice much much more than we realize! And the real impact of an abusive environment will be known only later.

    I read about how badly scarred the children in abusive environments are.. A lot of them grow up to be either abusers or victims..

    D: Exactly,Smits! I had mentioned in Solilo’s post too,about a boy I know whose parents used to put so much pf pressure on him that they started beating him and using abusive language from very early on. Because of the parents’ attitude, not only did the boy’s performance dwindled, he starting abusing them inturn. Now,the condition is such that they have practically given up on him.

    ‘But if even one person realizes that there is an option to call out for help,then,in my opinion the intention is well served.’ – I totally agree! Even if one person benefits – it is huge and I think eventually all this will make a difference. I also hope that some abusers read all this and feel ashamed of their actions..

    Namnam, btw, is the sweetest kid ever!!!! Hugs and ummas to Nammu Kutty! I was not planning on bloghopping today – but your post pulled me in πŸ™‚

    D: Hugs & ummas from Namnukutty too πŸ™‚

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  5. Brilliant point this one! Hugs to Nammukutty! Kids to get us to realize so many imp. things in life! God bless her!

    U r so rt Deepu, if this reaches out to one person atleast or helps them take a +ve step, nothing like it! And if some such bloody abuser happens to pass by, hope it definitely pricks!

    United we stand and we always will πŸ™‚

    D: Yes,Swaram! I hope not just the abused but those who abuse too get the right message.

    Hugs πŸ™‚

    D: Hugs to you too πŸ™‚

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  6. You are so right. Kids are like sponges. We may not notice it but they absorb so much of what happens around them. Thats why the fallout of domestic violence extends way beyond just the perpetrator and the victim. I hope that more people(including me) have the courage to step up against it.

    D: We all speak up and make our voices heard and that,at the end of the day,Dreamer,will have the desired effect I’m sure πŸ™‚

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  7. awesome post Deeps…

    Kids are very sensitve towards their surroundings…
    And anything I say now will be a repetition of what has already been said.
    Love shouldn’t hurt, and one cannot call the love that hurts as love at all.

    D: “Love shouldn’t hurt, and one cannot call the love that hurts as love at all.”Absolutely,Pix!

    And I completely agree when you say “It also includes those who silently witness abuse being meted out to their loved ones.They are as much the victims.”

    Another awesome post and an eye opener

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  8. Oh this was really sweet of Namnam. Beautiful how a 3 year old understands and cares so much.

    Kids watch everything and learn. And it is from these experiences that they develop their attitude to love or hate.

    D: Yes,Laks,we dont realize how even our small action can have a drastic impact on our children. Its so important that they be brought up in a favorable environment.’cos ultimately they are the future and what they grasp today will certainly affect their tomorrow

    You are right: Love should not hurt.

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  9. Wow, I was usually skipping these domestic violence posts but this one was really really sweet πŸ™‚ Couldn’t help but drop some love for Namnam !

    D: How sweet of you,Rakesh. Have given your love to Namnam πŸ™‚

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  10. God Bless the girl… loads of hugs and kisses for the little angel. We should definitely keep spreading awareness against domestic violence..

    D: Thank you,Rohini. Yes,we need to keep spreading awareness.It will have the desired effect gradually but surely

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  11. Deeps, I am yet to read. Haven’t bloghopped in couple of days.

    Will read a comment in detail later and also will add this post (and all other posts on DV) to NGI blog too.

    Have a great weekend.

    D: You too,Sols πŸ™‚

    (Psst….waiting to hug R because he hugged SRK LOL)
    (you sure you’ve washed your hands after shaking hands with SRK and Madhuri Dixit many years ago?? πŸ˜† )

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    1. Psst….No. I haven’t. Ha..ha..ha.. Madhuri Dixit one I have. Don’t like that woman.

      SRK wala hand is still safe. πŸ˜‰

      D: Ayyeeee,poyi kai kazhuki vaa penkutti πŸ˜€

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        1. Can Unclean handshaking with unsuspecting people classified under some abuse? Gosh Don….if and when I ever meet you I will play Sanjeev Kumar’s role in Sholay….U can then shake a leg with me :mrgreen:

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  12. Oh My! first a really big hug to Namnam, such a loving and caring lil girl she is!(What exactly does ‘kutty’ mean? I keep seeing it on your’s Smitha’s n solilo’s blog & comments).

    D: Ha ha ha. Kutty is a malayalam/tamil word for kid or bacha πŸ™‚

    Indeed how detrimental violence can be. The horror of a child growing up in a truly abusive environment. I shiver at it. They say the first 5 years of a human life is most important, as that is teh time used by the brain to develop, and actually form its associations. The role of the environment and parents are of utmost importance in that scenario. Kids are also much smarter than we are ready to believe.

    D: Oh yes,they are. Its so important that the children be brought up in a positive environment. If only parents who invest so much of their time and energy on abusing each other realize that and refrain themselves from damaging the future of their own children.

    Besides this being a unique post, because of its perspective, what I take from it, is what wonderful parents you guys must be, for Namnam to take the effort and try and resolve your fight in her own very very adorable way. Hugs to the entire family for being so amazing.

    D: You know,PG,honestly I didnt have any intention of doing a post on DV.you and the rest had already raised most of the valid points. But this simple reaction from Namnam urged me to come up with this. Hugs to you too !

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  13. awww!! a big huggy from me and ayshu to namnam..really sweet Deepti. Absolutely how kids help bonding between the parents even more, its crazy. You know i could hav more kids mera do bachhon se jee nahi bhara..hehe had i got age on my side i wudve gone for more..just love em πŸ™‚

    D: Oh yes,kids make our lives so much more worthwhile. Hugs and ummas to Ayshubaby & Yash πŸ™‚

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  14. That is schhoo schweet of u r daughter !!! kids r sooo precious !! ..i have read about and seen how abuse can stunt developmental growth.. these days people r aware and willing to acknowledge that there is threat everywhere .. and thanx to a few organisations(we have tulir in chennai), children understand facets of abuse.

    D: Didnt know about Tulir. Is there a link to their site that you can provide πŸ™‚

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  15. what a beautiful post… there are a lot of faces of abuse… each one worst than the other

    D: sadly so,but lets hope our voices reach the oppressed and they gather enough courage to speak out

    hugs to u and little darling

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    1. sure he is! but my immediate reaction was of a mother and so that comment. in fact namnam is greatly blessed to have such lovey dovey parents who dote on each other as well as on their precious child. kudos to the trio!

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        1. *Deeps crumples a poster of SRK distorting his face and throws it at Solilo*

          @Ma: Wait till I’m there to pull your cheeks out!you know how much I love to pull them! Its just a matter of time πŸ˜€ !
          Till then pull my leg all you want!

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          1. @Auntie & Deepsu:

            This discussion made me nostalgic this morning.

            When Mom and Dad had some argument, Dad would get my brother and me as background scorers (brother had no clue but I pretended to be the violinist) and sang this song. Ha..ha..ha..

            Hearing Papa’s heavy voice, Mama always burst into laughter.

            So here is to all sweetu couples esp. R & D.


            D: Its a beautiful song,Sols! Uncle has a terrific sense of humour and a great taste in music! Heres to uncle & auntie and all the lovely couples and their background scorers πŸ˜€

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            1. my dear solilokutty! this song is my mobile ringtone!!!!!!!!!!i simply love this song and play it loud when i have an arguement with my husband and we sit aside sulking with each other. indeed a sweet song. evergreen! thank u da

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              1. Today am gonna dress up like Suhasini and hide behind the door waiting for M to come back from office and this song will play in the background…

                D: Will wait to know what happened next πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜›

                Daaan thanks a ton for the song….I had almost forgotten such beautiful mallu songs…

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  16. Very well written!!
    This proves that one should be careful of his her actions!!
    I agree with u that we too have a responsibility to spread awareness in whatever way we can. Its by this that we can at least try to reduce domestic violence and make ppl aware of it!!

    D: Absolutely!

    Great post!!

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  17. Nammu chakkara is a cutie pie. Ummmas.

    Now I have a little devil at home who never allows her parents to be together. She would prefer for us to say ‘I love you’ to her and not each other. 😐

    D: Ha ha ha. I guess I’ll be singing a similar tune a few years down the line.Till then let me revel in the moment πŸ™‚

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  18. Thats such a precious kid you have. Its so good that she made that effort and cleared her lttle pretty head and made peace, what do the babies know how serious or non serious our argument is!! lots of love to her and a huge hug

    D: Exactly!babies dont know how trivial or grave an argument is.Like Shail aptly said,the best way to clear their doubts would be to talk it out with them.
    love and hugs passed on duly πŸ™‚

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  19. Your daughter made me smile! so sweet! πŸ™‚
    Even a 3 year old knows how important love is. But we adults seem to forget it every time.

    D: Namnam started understanding the concept once she started watching the Barney series.They impart a lot of positive morals and values which help in children’s development. I guess we should Barney series for adults,what say? πŸ˜€ Welcome here,Neha!

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  20. She even insisted,at one point that R & I played …how sweet πŸ™‚ …she is such a cutie pie..pass my kisses 2 her….Here in my apartment kids won’t let there parents play badminton and all ,instead they wanna play with them 😦

    D: πŸ™‚ . will pass on your kisses to Namnam

    @ your point……kids notice each and everything…like they absorb everything from there parents…..something like they are parents reflection ….so what ever we are doing in front of them, it create a strong impact on them(i wrote about this on few times)

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  21. Domestic violence has far reaching effects on children. But simple arguments between couples should not affect children too. they should not grow up with unnatural expectations that parents never argue or fight. Talking about it to children helps.., because naturally they are upset. That people are different that they have different likes and dislikes, sometimes they do argue, but that does not mean Mom and Dad don’t love each other. That gives them confidence.

    D: Wow,Shail!That was truly an enlightening piece of advice.Yes I fully agree with you,children should not grow up with unnatural expectations that parents never argue.Talking it out to them will go a long way in building their confidence.With Namnam,though,it was probably because she couldnt express herself fully well to let us know she was getting affected and her gesture was the best way she could think of to let us know of that.

    But yes,what you said is surely going to help me in handling her in similar situations henceforth.Thank you so very much,Shail πŸ™‚

    Children who grow up in houses where physical and verbal abuse exist are affected badly. Having a battered parent can undermine a child’s confidence forever.

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    1. i agree with you shail, but how would you explain it to a child when the mother promotes that she is constantly ” right ” by doing her way and screaming at the father this is how to/not behave.

      and as a kid less than 8-9 years, the mother is the first constant provider – food, pick up, bathe, repair wounds, helping in homework etc as against the father who is working–

      like it or not the kid when becomes an adult will think – how the mother was a nagger ! and that will become a stereotype of all women!

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  22. You brought out a very important point Deeps-so many women put up with abuse for the sake of their children-while the children absorb and interpret everything anyway.

    They might even get the message the violence is “normal” and help the cycle continue.

    D: Exactly,hypermom! Its saddening 😦

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  23. Children are great teachers!
    Some time we do not realize that a child’s mind is as fragile as his physical self. Any small injury can provide permanent damage…

    D: Yes,Suman,they are very observant,much more than we realize.

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  24. I knew Namnu kutty was precious the moment I saw her pic reading the newspaper….tight tight hug from her sakshi di.

    D: Tight tight hug from Namnukutty too πŸ™‚

    You guys are doing a great job by spreading awareness about all the different forms of DV. A child who grows up seeing DV is scarred for life…

    D: Sadly so,Saksh 😦 . If only parents who abuse each other realize how much they are damaging their child’s development by way of their actions!

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  25. Namnam is a sweetheart and so much efforts she made to bring her mama papa together …Akki actually scolds my MIL if she is angry at my FIL and speaking to him in loud voice (he is a total chamcha of his grandpa)..and he can make out when real fight is happening and when its just for fun…

    D: LOL,grandparents are always special ! I was a total chamchi of my nani too πŸ˜€

    But is really shocking how humans can be so cruel towards their owm family ..though we are becoming more literate now yet at the same time we hear of more adn more such cases now

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  26. Hey busy kya? Nt seen u arnd? Post post πŸ˜›

    D: arre,nothing major happening,re!Just trying to concentrate more on homefront than the virtual one…trust me its proving very hard πŸ˜€

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  27. Your post is soooooooooooo beautiful ! made my day !

    and Nammam is a darling, yes children are much more perceptive then we give them credit for.

    Nothing like a happy family to bring up a happy society.

    D: Indeed,Renu πŸ™‚

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  28. Hi Deeps, Heck ! how did I miss on this. my blog update is good for nothing it seems !! By the way I can connect hugely with all this and yes it surely hurts children when they see their parents fighting and getting violent with each other. I feel the biggest blessing one could have in life especially childhood is a loving home and peaceful atmosphere. Take care.

    D: Absolutely!You said it much better than I could have,Rekha πŸ™‚

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  29. Deeps

    Namnam is such a sweetheart……..hugs and kisses for the little one.

    D: Awww..thank you,Dear πŸ™‚ And welcome to my space πŸ™‚

    Yes, kids are the most affected of domestic violence in a way because they are silent witnesses and are unable to react due to their young age. What the parents n elders fail to realise is that the quarrel or the demeaing of a memeber in the family stays with children all thru their life, alters their personality in some way, and they react by following the same with their spouse, colleague or peers or try to overcome the situation (good way out, if they can)….

    It leaves scars… Hope all of us the parents, and parents to be, those going in for a divorce/divorced take conscious steps because at the end of the day, many fail to recognize the impact such things have on their children (the next generation) as young as 1 month olds/womb ones (science scares me sometimes)
    ….

    Let us all be aware and do our bit for a healthy future and present

    D: Absolutely! For that will ensure a positive change,if not now,but eventually.

    Ashes

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  30. πŸ™‚ A heartfelt one and the words tells me that you wrote this with your heart.. Kids are so innocent that they don’t understand our petty ego issues.. Having is kid is a boon,for they make uneasy situations fade away… ((hugs)) to Nanmam ..

    D:It is a boon,Nimmy. Hugs to you too πŸ™‚

    I loved the name Nanmam

    D: The name is Namnam πŸ™‚ . Its a pet name or omanaperu as we malayalis call it!

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  31. how sweet. kids do pick up on moods and emotions so quickly. wonder why women put up with abuse for the ‘sake of kids’ then!

    D: I know! Qatar has a lot of cases of DV that normally dont come in the fore,am I right,V? You must have come across a lot in your line of work.

    Like

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