Love & Indian Society- the (dis)connect


This post has been published by me as a team member of The Blue Ink Society for the “Super 6″ round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging of blog world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai


When we talk about love and the Indian Society, there are vastly different images that come to mind. One is the impossibly perfect love as depicted by main stream Indian Cinema – replete with beautiful people, exotic foreign or Indian locales and picture perfect love, for the person, the families. On the other side, there is reality which is full of repressiveness, blood, gore, violence and often heartbreak.

Love … Its not easy to write or talk about it, is it? It is a vast ocean of emotions. We have stories written on it, we have poems penned about it, we have movies made on it. Yet it is so complex that there has not been a clear-cut definition of love.

Wikipedia says Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure (“I loved that meal”) to intense interpersonal attraction (“I love my wife”). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

In the context of Indian society, love has been twisted around many a times.

Take parental love for instance. A son, from the day he is born, is loved by his parents so much that not a day passes by when they don’t remind him of how much he owes them for all their sacrifices. Even after he is married he is expected to disregard his wife to prove that his love is solely dedicated to his parents.

Whereas a girl, from the day she is born, is conditioned to love not just her parents, her siblings but, when the time arises, is expected to love her parents-in-law also even if they don’t reciprocate her love. Even if they treat her like a doormat.

I would also like to mention a love that our darling children demonstrate towards us, i.e. the cupboard love. Since we control the purse strings, and make the rules they have to abide with, they spend a lot of time buttering us up, softening us so that we buy them the latest expensive game/dress in the market. Sadly this makes them very manipulative and self-centered.

Often when both parents are working, we tend to give them a lot of money and give in to their whims. We are not there to discipline them or check them when they go overboard. This adds to the problem and makes one wonder if we are raising a generation of children with very little self discipline and ethics.

Take our love for God ….We are so blinded by the love for our religion, that we are willing to go to any length to justify our beliefs, no matter how ridiculous and unreasonable they are. We agree to feed our idols, deities with laddoos, milk when there are millions of people who are deprived of food. We don’t even think twice before throwing small children in the well to please God. If only we realize the only way to please God is to love our fellow beings. We take our love for Gods to ridiculous lengths, constructing temples for not only our religious deities but even for Cine Stars like Khushboo, even though there is rampant poverty and perhaps the money spent would have been better utilized in feeding, clothing and educating the poor.

It would be remiss of me not to write about the negative types of love. These types are really poisoning our Indian Society. We all know about obsessive love, the kind that was immortalized by Shah Rukh Khan in the movie Darr. The person is so obsessive about the object of his/her affections that he/she becomes a stalker or even a killer. This is a disease called obsessive love disorder. The person becomes so obsessive that he tends to treat the object of his affections like a possession. If he can not get her, no one else can. The insane lover may try to kill, maim or even disfigure the object of his affection by throwing acid on her face.

On one side we move the progressive way by legalizing live-in relationships thereby giving a fresh, positive hope for people in love who don’t want to bind themselves to any institution. And on the other side there are sects in our society who still harbor the regressive thought that people having the same Gotra cannot marry each other. And if a couple challenges that belief, then the guardians of such ridiculous ideologies don’t shirk from killing in the name of community honour.

Yes, rapists also rape in the name of love. But I cannot call it love. It is more of a demonstration of power.

Our society is going through a state of change. On one hand laws have been enacted to punish the Khaps and also to legalize homosexuality. Yes, the society has become permissive, so much so that urban youth feel that it is necessary to have a boy friend or girl friend to be considered cool. On the other hand we have the so called guardians of society creating totally unnecessary furore on Valentine’s Day, damaging shops selling valentines and even accosting couples out together.

On one side you have Sania Mirza and Shoaib Akhtar ignoring the India –Pakistan enmity for the sake of their love, on the other side you have a mother being arrested for killing her pregnant daughter for loving and daring to marry a colleague belonging to the lower caste.

Love is a multifarious thing, said a poet. Yes it is, and it is the most joyous and positive emotion, but perhaps true love in which both the partners are free and respected is becoming a rarity especially in the Indian society today.

The Image in This Post is a Teamwork by THE BLUE INK SOCIETY


29 thoughts on “Love & Indian Society- the (dis)connect

  1. U r so rt esp. abt the love for religion and beliefs Deeps! Nice comprehensive post. Gud luck for the contest 🙂

    D: Thank you so very much, sweetie-pie 🙂


  2. Its a very thoughful well written post.

    True the love can take different shades

    D: And sadly, in our society the shades have more of a negative tinge.
    Alll the best for the contest !!

    D: Thank you 🙂


  3. Hey Deeps,
    Wonderful take on Love in Indian Society..
    You have covered almost every negative and positive aspect of the current scenario..

    D: I wish the points mentioned in my post reach out to each and every section of our society,Vibz. Its time we discarded all the regressive thoughts that are literally crippling our nation.

    So proud of you..
    Gr8 job!
    Even the colour of your blog seems to be sorting the right ambience for the Super 6 round at BPL..;)
    Rock on!

    D: YAY to our team Vibz!! 🙂


  4. Nice someone told, LOVE is the only rational act…

    D: If only our society realized that and stopped twisting love in an unjust, irrational manner.


  5. Wow… how did you manage to get so many important aspects covered in one post? Way to go, girl!! I liked your reference of SRK’s obsessive love 🙂

    D: Thats the best part of working as a team,na, have so many people to help you with pointers 🙂


  6. Deeps,

    Can’t agree more…
    Indian society is a site of extremes in every aspect of life… Love included, and the regressive ones are coming into the picture so often these days…I feel that, that feeling we have for a fellow being, be it anybody, is completely lost! Is it that we are becoming more self centred by the day? what’s the need to show a sect’s power on ppl who want to live in peace!!

    And about feeding the gods, unnecessary exercise, so much of food is wasted!! ahaa !!

    exhaustive and very well written Deeps :):)

    D: Thank you, PNA 🙂


  7. It’s a very practical post, it describes the scenario in India perfectly. We’re full of contradictions and hypocrisy.

    But on this topic, the more you say, the more there is to say! It’s never ending.

    It’s a very nice post! All the best for the BPL

    D: Thanks so much, Niveditha 🙂


  8. You have given me so much to think about! 🙂

    Will come back and comment in leisure 🙂

    All the best though!

    D: Thank you, Pix..will wait to read your thoughts 🙂


  9. The meaning of love, a verb, is absolute. It’s totally objective in nature. An assertion of self-esteem, a gift given to a person for his/her chosen actions and character.
    But many, like you’ve mentioned in the post, go haywire and behave like morons! The meaning is lost, and it becomes subjective. That’s a pity.
    Excellent post, ma’am. Made perfect sense to me.
    The Blue Ink Society rocks! Yayyy!!! :))

    D: Hi5 🙂


  10. How come no ones mentioning about friendship in this topic called ‘love’ ? wait a minute, I just read three posts in this contest; is it already there, written by someone else?


  11. Deeps, that was such a sensible post, covering just about all aspects of love. And there is definitely a disconnect when it comes to love and the Indian society.

    We have such extremes in our society, don’t we? We do live in several centuries in India.

    All the best, not that you need it, when you write so beautifully 🙂 You know, this is one fantastic topic, and you have handled it so beautifully 🙂


  12. Like everyone said, you covered the length and breadth of love 🙂 In Indian society, love for oneself is also looked down upon but I feel if you don’t love yourself you won’t be able to love others as well.


  13. I nod for all the points mentioned by you deeps except the love you have mentioned between Sania and Shoaib Malik..

    Their marriage seemed to be a drama staged as fast as they can.. he is already married but didn’t even consulted her before moving into relationship with other girl…. I don’t see Malik as a good human at all… all he concerned about is Muslims… as he said in T20 final in which Pak lost to India… ‘I thank all the Muslims for their support to Pakistan’

    So what about other religion people who supported Pakistan…???

    Other than the above thing.. your post is perfect Deeps.. 🙂 🙂 Its a nice way you have put it up with contrasting features of love in Indian Society… 🙂


  14. A very mature and thought provoking post Deeps..
    You have portrayed the love in Indian society so aptly…
    Indians I feel are a confused lot when it comes to love…it is in fact a very simple and pure expression of adoration and selflessness.

    D: Yes,unfortunately our regressive mindsets have made this simple expression acutely complex.


  15. I dont say it is wonderful, it is brilliant.
    As a Sociologist, I say 3 cheers!!!
    A balanced walk on the rope…
    No exaggeration…
    I felt as if i am reading an article in a sunday magazine….
    The whole indian scenario got reflected with out any distortions:)……complete justice to the post.
    Objective, comprehensive and rational…

    D: Thank you so much for those kind words, Mahesh 🙂 Its a teamwork on display here and I cant take sole credit for it. Welcome to my space 🙂


  16. A well written post and that leaves me most of the time speechless and that means “raking my brain for words to put sensible comments” :mrgreen:

    You have touched all the parts so well. Love has kinda become something to be scared of rather than cherish…sobs!

    All the best for the contest sweetu

    D: Thank you Sakshikutty 🙂


  17. Edo missing those days of teamwork.. Loved working with you and all of our team mates.. 🙂

    D: I’m missing all the fun too,re! Hope we get together again soon 🙂

    All the best dearie.. Love your work.. 🙂

    D: Awww…thanks so much sweets, wish you the same 🙂


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