From one house to another

Dear New House,

I know you are all set to welcome your new family. And very excited too. But I cant even begin to tell you how sad it makes me to see them leave( and a bit jealous too). With so many constructions happening around and the building in which I am set heading for one too, I knew this day was to come. After all I cant expect them to endure the blaring construction sounds like I do! I can still withstand the nuisance as I’m made of cement and bricks! They are mere humans.

However, today when I see them pack and get ready to move out, I find it very hard to accept that they will no longer be staying with me. They will no longer be MY family. Although that doesnt make me love them any less. And I know they will not stop loving me too.

I was a mere house when they came to reside here. With their love and care they turned me into a home. They infused life and soul into me with their memories and beautiful moments. The most prominent being the one where R&D first discovered they were going to become parents. I remember how excited, overwhelmed and thrilled they were. I was as elated as them. I was so happy for them!

I’m witness to the moment when R came back from office and shared the news of his promotion to D and N. I’m witness to the moment when D first got her license and she was jumping around telling the world about it. I’m witness to the day when Namnam started going to school. I remember how lonely D felt that day with Namnam finally stepped out of her cocoon. I remember feeling as lonely!

I know I have not always given them cheerful moments. Like when I decided to grow some pests like cockroaches, ants and flies, I remember how angry they were at me. The teeth-gritting, the fist-punching are still fresh in my memory. It was only when I let them get rid of those pests that peace was restored!

I shudder to think what would have been the scenario if I had decided to grow rats!! πŸ™„

Every time the building lift acted up and they had to climb 5 floors up to come to me, I could feel the curses amidst all the heavy-panting of breaths directed straight towards me. Or when the shower-rod broke or the water-pipe leaked or the kitchen shelf-handle popped out, the furious glares were hard to miss.

But at the end of the day what made the difference was that I was still a part of their life. I was still looked after and much cared for. And I know how much I mean to them for all the wonderful time they had while they lived with me. Even when they are packing and getting ready to go now I know they will miss me just as bad as I will.

Today when they are on the way to come to you, I wish they like you instantly and are able make as many beautiful memories as they did with me. BTW, if R tells you that he and Namnam are the saner and more adorable of the three of them, dont believe him. With time you’ll realize soon enough that D is as sane and as adorable, if not more!! ( Oh, no I’m not being prompted by D or anyone to say this, believe me, this is my own observation πŸ˜› )

Oh and yes, let me warn: DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING THEM A HARD TIME. I’m right across the street, so I’ll be watching you.

With all the best wishes

Old House

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You judge me, I ignore you- fair deal?

I think it totally is.

Yes I’m talking about our ingrained habit of judging others. I say ‘our’ because I think judging is something we all do. Yes howsoever much we say we dont, we do. And its normal. Ok, normal may not always be right though. You see things, get affected by them enough to form your opinions and then blurt them out. Sometimes people agree with our opinions and sometimes they dont. Thats when the whole ‘judging’ angle springs up.

I see parents hitting their child, I judge them. Why, because hitting or slapping or beating is something I’ve strict policy against while raising my child. I have friends who hit their children and I do make a fleeting remark about how I dont believe in hitting a child to make him/her understand. They either choose to agree with me or ignore me. Fine by me either way.

I get into an argument with a friend whose religious beliefs differ from that of mine. I judge her. And yes she judges me too. But that doesn’t stop either of us from deviating from our beliefs. And that certainly doesn’t stop the two of us from being the best of friends. She chooses not to pay heed to my arguments. Why? Because she believes in her convictions. She is extremely comfortable with the choices she has made. So am I with mine. And that makes our friendship even stronger.

I meet people talking in fake accents, even using flowery language liberally. And I judge them. I dont feel comfortable being around people who swear. Fake accents I can still tolerate though :D. Does that stop them from not swearing? Do they stop talking in fake accents? NO. Why? Because they dont care what I think or how I judge them, right? Rather they are too comfortable with themselves to let it bother them. What I choose to do, however, is ignore them also and just stay away.

Yes I too have been judged many a times by a lot of people for my actions and decisions.

I felt I was judged when I studied in a school where my mother taught and my school-friends hesitated to confide in me with their secrets. The reasons invariably being, ‘ Oh, she is our teacher’s daughter, what if she spills it all to her mom?’ I remember being terrible bothered by it. But gradually I came to terms with it and learned to ignore such remarks. And whats interesting to point out is that the friends that I did make in school eventually didnt bring that fact up even once. For them what mattered was our friendship. And today they are my best friends, friends for life.

I was judged when I chose to quit my work and stay at home to look after my daughter. I have nothing against working moms. Believe me, I have the highest regard for them. Its just that this decision is what works best for me, my child, my family as a whole.. nd what matters to me is just that- that my family and I are happy and comfortable with this decision. So long as that is achieved I dont allow any regrets or guilt to dominate me.

Similarly another area where I’m invariably judged is when I see the perplexed expression on people’s faces when I tell them that R & I have decided not to have any more children. The judgments range from how we are depriving Namnam of a sibling to how she will grow up to be insecure to how the family will look complete with one more addition to how its time to welcome a ‘beta’ in the family and so on and so forth.

R & I took this decision because we felt bringing another child will not be feasible for us. We would not have been able to give him/her as much time, energy and security( financial and emotional) as we are able to give to Namnam now. In which case it would have been gravely unfair of us to be depriving the child of the same environment that his/her sister would have enjoyed being in. So we decided to give it our all to the one child who came into our life after much yearnings.

I know its complicated and not many may agree with me. But the fact of the matter is that this works best for us. R & I intend to stick to this decision, unless of course God has other plans :D. But for now we are done. And we are confident that we will be able to bring Namnam up to be as secure and happy a person as any child with a sibling(s).

The reason for this long rant of a post is that, as the days for my Delhi-trip get closer, I realize that I’ll be fielded by my well-wishers’ as always with umpteen questions about these very decisions. All I want to tell them is that they can judge me all they want. It doesnt make a difference to me anymore. I know I’m happy with the choices I have made and thats what matters.

In the end what I’m trying to say is that its fine if people judge us. So long as we are satisfied and HAPPY with our decisions, its time we learned to ignore those who judge us.

A random scene at home :)

A mother-daughter duo, after spending a considerable part of the day playing teacher-student( which is a much favoured game in the house BTW), is about to call it a day.

The mother, looking at the holocaust state of the house, this li’l pretend-play has brought about, tries her best to keep her teacherly-calm intact

Mother (still in the polite teacher-mode) : School time over, sweetheart! Its time to tidy up! C’mon lets pick up your blocks and put them back in the trunk and keep your books back in the shelf, shall we??

Daughter (clearly not in the mood to go along with the game or in other words, not in the mood to listen to her mom) : Oh no, our play-time is over, remember? You’re not Miss Y now! You be my Mama, ok?

Ok, then, as you say, darling….

Mother (in her usual loud demonic tone) : NAMNAM, PICK UP YOUR BLOCKS AND PUT THEM IN THE TRUNK, AND KEEP YOUR BOOKS BACK IN THE SHELF OR ELSE I’M GOING TO THROW THEM IN THE BIN!!!

Daughter (clearly shaken up by this threat) :Thats ok, Mama, you can be Miss Y! Lets tidy up together, shall we??

Mother: πŸ™„ πŸ™„ πŸ™„ πŸ™„

PS: The mother, in her defense, would like to state that she exercises the option of threat only when she runs out of options like coaxing, pleading, cajoling, bribing, etc. to get her daughter to listen to her sometimes.

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Yes, yes, I’m still very much alive and so is this blog :D. Unfortunately have hardly had the time to update it or read other blogs too :(. There have been days when I’ve had a lot of things running in my mind which I felt like sharing but when I got around to jotting those fleeting thoughts down, they seemed so irrelevant that I ended up discarding them.

Even though I have only been away for about 10-12 days, it seems as though I’ve been away for many many days. And this may go on for a few more days as I’m in the midst of moving houses, packing for a short trip to Delhi(which both Namnam & I are very excited about as we’ll get to spend the New Year with our family).

Dont know how soon I’ll be back, but will be for sure :). So till then, adios!

Keep blogging and blog-hopping!