Have one more child and your family is complete!

This is fast becoming my pet-peeve, really. Ever since Namnam was born, I have had people ranging from my closest friends to not so close ones to relatives to neighbours to even acquaintances telling me how my family would be complete if I were to have one more child. And mostly the suggestion is with a definite reference to having a son. Over the years I have been trying to condition myself into ignoring them and yet there are times when a random decree like this chafes at my whole being and pushes me to retaliate.

When a person professes that a family is ideal when it has a son and a daughter, I’ve never really understood that line of thought. I have friends who have two daughters, some have two sons, some, like me, have stood by the one-child policy. I know plenty of people who have opted not to have any children even and yet are in perfect sync with their decisions. There are people who have adopted and have found the right balance in life. Does that make these families any less meaningful or complete?

So what constitutes a ‘complete family’? Is there a set definition for it? Who decides what is complete or best for a said family? The family concerned or the people outside of it? If I am to assume( in the context of the Indian society) that this idea took shape from the campaign of Hum do Hamare do( we two, ours two) which was mainly propagated to control the population growth, then would it mean that the onus of defining ‘ a complete family’ lies on our government/our politicians? The miserable failure of the campaign is enough for all of us to jump in and veto the option I’m sure. In which case the onus automatically falls on our society, right? Who will have added a new dimension to the slogan by telling the family that the set-up will be absolutely complete when it has a son and a daughter.

If you ask me, I’d say NO. No government, no society nobody would be responsible to define my family set-up. That power rests entirely on me and my husband. How can people assume what would make MY family complete? They are free to speak for themselves. If they feel having two sons, or three daughters or a son and a daughter is what makes a complete family then fine, that is probably what works for them. But please do not thrust that viewpoint on me. I can speak for myself. My husband and I have a daughter and our family is as complete as any other with one child or two children or three sons or no children. Oh and we have a new slogan for ourselves- Hum do Hamari Ek( We two, Ours one) πŸ˜€

No ONE family is any more or less perfect or beautiful than the other. Every family is worthy and complete in its own way. Lets keep it that way πŸ™‚

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44 thoughts on “Have one more child and your family is complete!

  1. it is not a question of being beautiful family or whatevr, because these things are not in our control, whatever god gives us.daughters or sons are dear to us, but yes having both the genders makes it complete, because you get to see two different sides of human beings, and there are so many festivals where if you have both genders, you can celebrate than..my take is that both..daughter and son bring a different dimension to our life,and none can replace other but if god grants us one gender only, its also fine.

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  2. I get where this is coming from. Its the same ‘I know what’s best for you better than you’ attitude. How can that be?? Each of us know what’s best for us. And if at all we need help, we’ll ask. Imagine telling another how many children to have! My sis in law has a son and none of us have ever asked her why she does not have a second child, ever! It is accepted that it is my brother’s and his wife’s decision. They are happy and isn’t that all that should matter?

    D: Absolutely, that is all that should matter.

    I have just written a rant on interfering busybodies, though not on this topic πŸ˜‰

    D: You have? Will hop by soon πŸ™‚

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  3. I got used to such stupid lectures from people to go for a third child as my family is not complete with two girls.It used to bother me initially,i never used to give back.But now all those stupid talks doesn’t bother me and give them back saying its my family,my wish,my girls and you don’t have to interfere in my LIFE.

    D: Thats excellent, Sari! If we just tell those interfering idiots to just lay off and mind their own business, then we will have won half the battle I think πŸ™‚

    No ONE family is any more or less perfect or beautiful than the other. Every family is worthy and complete in its own way. Lets keep it that way —— VERY WELL SAID…..

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  4. Deeps, You stole me words πŸ™‚ I was planning a post on the same lines! Yesterday, on my pic in FB, a friend said this to me. She asked me about ‘second issue’ and talked abt ‘completing’ our family! Who gives anybody the right to decide whether my family is complete or not? I mean, why assume that it is not ‘complete’ because we have just one child? Why does the whole world have to decide for us! I am with you! I want to tell the world, that for me, my family is complete. My daughter completed it, and that is it.

    D: Thats exactly how it should be. C’mon its our family, the power is in us to shape it the way we want to, why should others define it for us?

    ‘No ONE family is any more or less perfect or beautiful than the other. Every family is worthy and complete in its own way. Lets keep it that way ‘ – Absolutely!

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  5. so when you deciding πŸ™‚

    I agree with you 100% you know what is best for you .. and no one has the right to say anything otherwise .. After all if you have two kids I ma sure somewill say have a third one … and so on people have weird notions …

    When i am asked the question i reply back saying Why dont you give it a try these days even the ladies in there 60’s are having a kid so go for it .. keep them busy in their old age … THEN THey shut up …

    D: ha ha ha, you really say that? I’m sure the reply is enough to shut them up πŸ˜€

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    1. Even Gandhari’s mother had 100 sons I believe plus a daughter. It ran in the family πŸ˜‰ Maybe that’s why the war came. Imagine if that sort of thing continued πŸ˜›

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  6. People will say what they want to and sometimes it does get irritating but chill! Do what you feel is correct and block out everything else πŸ™‚

    D: Yes, that makes sense!

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  7. Well, I have been passing through this even after 10 years of my first (and only πŸ˜‰ ) child!! πŸ˜€ Initially it used to irk me but now, I just don’t care. Plus, I have an edge of myself being the ONLY child. :mrgreen:

    D: Ha ha, now thats some advantage which you can use as shield against those people who are so quick to pass random judgments πŸ˜€

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  8. People can say what they want! Already lots of “well-meaning” relatives are hounding me for not having a baby right after getting married!! And this, when it has just turned 3 months since I got hitched πŸ™„ Sigh….
    One baby down the line, people will be asking about the second one!! πŸ˜› The list goes on and on. The more you listen to these psychos, the more confused you’ll be. Don’t.

    D: I know! They never stop, do they? πŸ™„

    Just do what you feel is right. If you’re happy with Namnam (which I know you are), then please for God’s sake, let it be. She’s adorable and makes your world full as it is πŸ™‚

    D: Aww, I cherish that comment, really! Thanks, darling πŸ™‚

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  9. And I am tired of people who keep asking us when we are gonna have one πŸ˜› I agree it is beautiful to have a child in your life, but that does not mean u hv no life as a husband and wife at all! Baah!

    D: Exactly, Swar! Its your life, you live it the way you want to. Why ever should there be room for others to just poke in with their advices, unless of course you seek from them??

    Luv ur definition of complete family – yes ofcourse, it is different for all of us – it is just what feels right for every couple!:D

    D: “it is just what feels right for every couple!” precisely

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  10. Awesome post sis..I guess as long as its a ‘hum sath sath hein’ family(even if its a hum 7 sath hein family)…everythings fine.. πŸ™‚

    D: Ha ha, absolutely πŸ˜€

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  11. Some people have no concept of personal space or even personal choices. They know how their ancestors lived and can’t imagine how or why somebody might not want to live like that or have the same aspirations.

    D: You’re absolutely right, IHM. I don’t understand why it is so difficult for people to respect others’ space ans decisions. How can they just barge into my space and assume what’s best or not for me and my family unless I have sought that kind of an advice from them? 😦

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  12. People will keep saying something ,just because they think it is their birth right to pass judgements about every single thing in your life.. i am actually surprised that people from our own generation indulge in such talk… whether i increase my family size or not is nobodys business.. For me its always ” When are you going to get started on the family plan?”.. well, i wish i could really tell these people to mind their business πŸ™‚

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  13. Very well said! I believe, ignoring such suggestions/talks completely is best for one’s sanity! Coz, it’s just impossible to stop such people. I have seen, that if they know, that you have NO plans to ‘complete’ your family, so their obvious question is “Why didn’t you go for the second child?” 😐

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  14. Society is all about familiarity – if we all can why not her? It’s as iftrying to say you better be like one of or else… and the irony of life is such that once you take a stance, life is sure to show you the other side of it !

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  15. Amazing post, and truer words are never said. First up i also feel there is nothing like a husband and wife only making a complete family. I know of friends who have chucked the idea of even getting married for taking care of their parents -for them parents complete them and their family.
    Even a husband and a wife can feel completely “complete” having each other. They may not need a child to bind them. Some believe in having lots of kids while others think only 1 is what they should have.So to each their own completely. We are grown individuals and the decision is completely ours.
    A lot of this comes from old ways of life,when having 2 children was a pattern.I think the previous generation will slowly relent πŸ™‚

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  16. You get annoyed when people ask you to complete your family with a second child! I was asked to have a third child, esp. girl child (how can we decide the gender of the foetus, I should have asked her!) since the second one also was a son! ‘varadakshine vaangardukku mattumaa? Kudukkaradukku onnu venum’, was her statement! She interfered and asked my doctor not to perform tubectomy to me!!

    Just ignore them with a stern face!

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  17. I guess some people have no boundaries… and sometimes they don’t recognize when they are crossing lines…because it has never been taught..they see everyone asking or advising each other on having a baby, then once you have a baby, they will ask to get that baby a sibling… as if they are going to provide, care for the child….

    why can’t they leave it on the couple to decide, after all they are the ones who would bring up a baby….

    ignore such folks, retaliate if it becomes annoying… take care.. HUGS

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  18. Can’t agree more. Every family is unique; and what makes it perfect or not perfect depends only on the family itself.

    That said, being an only child myself, I know how lonely it sometimes gets. I always wished I had a sibling. πŸ™‚ Having a sibling would have made my family PERFECT for me. πŸ˜€

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  19. The way I see it is tht it is just conversation starter[from the older generation] or just over-familiarity[from friends]. I guess it gets irritating to people concerned if they r targetted again & again.
    Just chill & keep one of those pointed retorts ready…and use it well :-D.

    “That power rests entirely on me and my husband.”
    LOL dont forget Namnam:-D. I know so many women who have had 2nd babies[after being sooo against it] after their 1st born kept asking for a sibling. One of my cousins had no choice but to have the 2nd one after her 1stborn prayed for 2 yrs for a sister :-D.

    But my personal opinion…..one is good. Less headache allaround. I’m big time regretting 2 now. They are forever squabbling or ganging up against me. Or better yet no kids sounds heavenly. We cd have used the money & gone on a world tour 😦

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  20. but, I wonder what makes 4 complete ?? it should be in 10’s and 20’s, no??? You should probably ask them this and scare them; what say ??? πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

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  21. i m an only daughter and i was the queen of my house….got everything i wanted, all that attention , a lot of times unwanted attention, no sibling rivalry, no comparisons n blah blah blah….Now that i m married n all sometimes i wish i had a sibling, ya friends, cousins will be there but i wish i could have someone i could just talk to at all times and talk shit if i wanted to….i see how my hubby talks to his sister and the bond that they share and i now know what i ve missed all these years….when we do decide to have kids i d want two

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  22. High five! I agree with this one hundred percent. If a couple wants to have a second or a third or an nth child, it should be only their decision. IMO, these vague concepts of completeness are utter rubbish.

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