It’s not often that I get overly affected by people who disappoint me by their actions or inactions. Yes I do get hurt by people, but I dont let my mind brood over them for long. I move on. But when the people in question are those whom I consider close to me, then I feel terribly let down. Let down by the people I felt close to. Let down by my own feelings that put them in such high regard. Then again, I don’t like it one bit when the negativity inside me begins to fester. Which is why I make peace with them soon enough, either by reaching out to them or giving in when they reach out. No, I don’t confront them either or seek explanations for their actions. I know by saying this I may not be projecting a very strong trait. Call me weak or cowardly, but the fact is that I try as much as possible to avoid confrontations.
Confrontations make me uncomfortable. So when someone says/does something hurtful to me, I walk away or just keep quiet and ignore the person. If the person is an acquaintance or someone I barely know then I stop acknowledging his/her existence entirely. This is my way of moving on.
But if someone close to me hurts me through their words or actions, then obviously I feel the stab but something holds me back from cutting the person off. Then I just lie low and stop interacting with the person till I have made peace with the situation.
Lately I have been sensing some disappointing vibes from people I felt close to. The very process of getting hurt, feeling bad, being taken for granted, harbouring negative thoughts has been pulling me in.
The week gone by made me take a step back and introspect. It made me wonder why it was that people did what they did, why it was that I got affected by what they did. Did they even know that I was hurt? Was I taking them a bit too seriously, when I didn’t need to? In all probability, for them, I may not be as close a friend of theirs as I believe I am. In which case was it not best to let go of whatever binding I might have felt? Pondering further, I felt that I was probably wrong in giving so much of importance and thought to people who didn’t deserve that attention from me.
The week gave me some wonderful moments with people who mattered to me and that truly made me realize that it was THEM and those happy moments that I should be giving more importance to.
As I write this post now, I am telling myself to accept that that some relationships may not necessarily command the same level of sincerity that you expect. Which is why it is best to let go of them, of your notions.
To quote Hermann Hesse
Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go
Thank you Corinne..your post gave me the much needed push to organize my thoughts more clearly!