Would you judge a person…

Who, barely a week after having connected with you tells you that he needs money urgently because his mother has had a kidney failure coupled with some other complications and asks if you could lend him some money for her treatment? And then in half hours time you see the person updating his profile pictures, replying to comments?

Would you judge that person?

‘Cos, I’m about to. And I won’t pretend that I am not hurt or feeling a bit let down.

Why, because for one, I expected that a situation as dire and critical as his mother’s kidney failure would have got him so worried that the last thing on his mind should have been to come on fb and share a holiday picture and reply to comments! This person in question, who had had me believe that he had quit a well-paid job abroad that he held for about 8 years to come back and care for his ailing mother, who messaged saying his mother was everything to him and that he needed the cash urgently by that very afternoon, seemed anything but hassled, to put it mildly.

I maybe wrong in judging him. This may just be his way to cope with the grief. Yet, this demeanor unsettles me.

Secondly, I was taken aback by the freedom with which way he approached me for financial help. Could someone be so desperate to see financial help from someone they barely knew? We had reconnected just about a week back.

He was my classmate who was hardly a friend back then, even though I always desired to know him better and be his friend. We were in the same class from grade 7 to grade 10 after which the he left the school. I had no contact with the person, never knew where he was, what he did. Neither did he bother to stay connected.

And now after more than 2 decades, he has emerged out of nowhere and put our rekindling friendship in an embarrassing situation.

He tells me that he works for a software company, his wife works in a reputed multinational, also that he will be travelling to the US soon to meet his sister. So then if he is earning well, his wife too and he has a sister living abroad, not to mention the ‘friends’ he once said he was in touch with and very close to, why would he need me, a mere acquaintance to lend him money? Unless the picture he has drawn of his hunky dory life is a facade.

I try putting myself in his shoes and wonder what if I were to be in a desperate situation like that. Would I be comfortable seeking financial help from an acquaintance? And I find myself realizing that I would have probably not been comfortable asking for such a help from the closest of my friends or family members, let aside an acquaintance. Anyway, I hope and pray such a dire situation never arises in my life.

Perhaps I am analyzing way too much into all this. But I can’t help wondering if I have been taken for a ride. If a trust has been broken..

25 thoughts on “Would you judge a person…

    1. I’m a bit shaken up myself, RM. Much as I’d want to look for a valid reason behind his action, I can’t help feeling a bit dejected 😦


  1. TOtally agree with you .. i know for a fact no.. been in this situation once and I have lost the friend and the money ..

    how can someone do this just like that , i cant understand..

    and if you are going to help then maybe you have enough money , even I need some πŸ™‚


  2. Deeps, I would feel the same too. Surely we would ask close friends and relatives first, rather than someone you have just reconnected with. Unless this is a scam and he just wants to get some money from you and plans to disappear again. I would definitely judge him, based on his actions.


  3. What an amazing coincidence! But that apart, it could be because he was so stressed out and wanted to do something that could take the steam off. I mean its possible…

    I think we believe, what we want to believe. So… πŸ™‚


      1. I don’t think people care for propriety when pushed to wall- as in these situations. I don’t know this guy and maybe he is faking it. I can not possibly know. So … I react based on my version of matter. I believe whatever I want to believe.

        Nothing wrong with your reaction either. Such are the times that one is bound to get skeptical. I am currently raising money for someone I have met just once about a decade back as well. So… kind of understand what you are into πŸ™‚


  4. I wouldn’t judge him based on his social media activity…for so many people, that seems to be like an outlet! But, I would be wary of someone who asks for money so easily! You’re right to be on your guard!


  5. Well, I don’t think you are wrong in judging this person. The whole thing seems very odd. I anyway find it harder each day to place my trust in people. And in this whole internet age, people only seem to have become more dubious, all the promised transparency put aside.


  6. Hi Deeps, It is natural to feel and the judge the way you are doing now. Anybody would first approach ones close friends and relatives before trying to contact somebody you just reconnected with. Also just wanted to tell you that as momwithadot is saying, one of our common friends was also approached on gtalk by someone posing to be an ex classmate and the things this guy wrote was so shocking and up etting that she called him up to confront and realized it was not him and later they had issued a note on FB about this to clarify the same to all friends in case any body else was duped in the same way. Isiliye kehti hoo Deeps, FB se door reh πŸ˜‰


    1. Gosh that’s scary Rekha!

      Having said that, I still maintain that FB and such social networks have their advantages, as long as one is fully aware of its dangers and guarded enough πŸ™‚


  7. I would judge as well Deeps.. not just you.. kind of makes me feel bad as well.. because we become more wary of people and of friendships because of such folks..



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