So Where is Home for Me?

The cliched answer would be..home is where my heart is.

And I have my heart very much safe and alive in Delhi. So to me Delhi is home. India, to say it in a larger scheme of the term. Despite her misgivings. Despite her shortcomings. Despite the fact that I left my country about 13 years ago along with my husband in pursuit of a better life. Despite all that that is home for me because I was born and raised there, earned and learned a major chunk of who I am from there, and more importantly I am a citizen of my country.

Because.. all said and done, no matter how much I may have gained from here in the Middle East, how so ever much this region may have done and may be doing to make us feel accepted, it will never accept me as its own, as its citizen. That status, that honour, that privilege I will always from the country I was born in, and belong to.  And that makes a lot of difference in the way I perceive the definition of home. Which is why there’s still the hope and resolve to go back to her for good again one day.

Now in the last decade plus that I have been away, we have moved places many times, each time making the city we moved to, our own little home away from home. Its not as if we have ever felt unwelcome in any of the places the we have lived, we have perfectly been able to warm up to them and vice versa. Yet, there has been a conscious effort to keep the flame of our intention to go back, burning . We have never had a long term plan to live in this region ever. In fact when we left Delhi in 2002, to come to the Middle East, we had told ourselves that we will go back in 2 years. Its a different thing that its been 13 years here! Yet the region is a wee bit away from being a home in the truest sense. Its probably because the lever of the 25 years of my life in India is still heavier than the 13 years that I have been here. So the sense of belonging is still more towards my home country than the adapted one.

I do not know what life has in store for me and my family. Where we will be in the next 5 years, so to speak. I am not sure whether my views or my definition of home will undergo a change ever. What I do know is that I am immensely grateful for the way life has shaped up so far. And I hope I continue to be, wherever my family and I are.

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14 thoughts on “So Where is Home for Me?

  1. I totally get what you are saying… for me – its Mysore.. but the urge to go back to Bangalore seems to be fading…
    And its what you mentioned before – home is where the heart is..
    Hugs Deeps! Follow your dreams and stay happy.. for home is where we are – with our families.. our heart 🙂

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  2. What do you think will happen if you stayed for 25 years in the Middle East, would it feel more like how Delhi is to you right now? I am curious.

    My home in terms of place, is no where. I realize I am a nomad…I like every place I have been to for that “special” something I seem to carry within me…But my Home is where I am free to be who I am at any moment.

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    1. You know, Mysoul, the way it stands as of now, I doubt if this place will ever evoke a sense of “home” like how I feel for Delhi or India for that matter, even after 10 years because I can never be a citizen of this place. Having said that there have been times when I have felt far more free to be on my own here than I have in my own city. For eg there have been times when I have had to think twice thrice, umpteen times before venturing out late in the night back home, whereas here I have driven around cities into the wee hours with no fear of being attacked or even reprimanded for being out alone.

      But then there are times when I have had to hold my thoughts back on some of the ways and ideologies the region functions on for whatever restrictions it has in place. That kind of restriction is not so in-your-face back home, is it? Unless you are an Aamir or a Shahrukh of course! 😛 Even they do have the freedom to voice, whether they will be heard or taken in the right spirit is a different matter though.

      Know what, your definition of home makes far more sense to me. 🙂

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      1. I agree with you regarding fear for safety…I have done the same – got out at all odd times and never given a thought of my safety, cause for most everyday function of life, being safe is the norm. Back home, it is the worse than what it was while I was growing up. When I am alone and stay out later than 7 or 8 pm on my visits back home, everyone I know, feels a need and has a right to know where I am, if I have an escort to bring me back safely…Its ingrained in the mind that it is not safe for a woman to be out on her own. And it make me realize how relativity works in our perception – Having gotten used to deciding things on my own, I find myself being suffocated with Caring People in my Country of Origin. It is the heights of Irony – Suffocated with Care 😛

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  3. This stems out of the discussion that we all had that day na?? I guess it is indeed difficult to leave our country and then when you have made a good life outside it is difficult to even leave that! So all I will say is let life take its own course 😀

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  4. I am different . I use to think the way you do.. but then uk has provided me everything .. job house money etc etc .. have all come from here. So yes uk is home now. .
    Although saying that any instant I get a chance to visit india I go.. There is this little need or whatever to go to India.. so now for me in have two homes. .here and india.

    Although saying that the situation in india is one to worry about a lot.. everything is changed or changing and it is not what it use to be.. We who live far away see it more but those who live in the country don’t notice as much..

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    1. That last paragraph of yours Bikram, is the truth. I realized, that because they gradually grew with the change, they dont notice it. They have gotten used to it. Its a matter of relativity. We see the difference only because what we have for comparison, is data from a few years ago, not datum from each day of living there.

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  5. I know what you are saying Deeps. Having lived outside idea for sometime, I can see what you are saying. But, despite our love for our roots, it is sometimes very difficult to give up the opportunities the good life we’ve constructed for ourselves and especially our children in the places we now live.

    May answers and choices come to you on their own to to help you decide better and clearly as life moves on.

    Liked by 1 person

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