Day 7- I wish I could forgive you..

Valiyamma,

Yes thats what I used to call you. Valiyamma, which in literal sense, is a name given to one’s mother’s elder sister, though you are related to my father. You are my father’s favourite cousin, which is why I never really expressed my dislike towards you in obvious terms. It’s a fact, however, that I could never bring myself to address you with the kind of sincerity, the term commanded, for there was not an iota of warmth in you that could make me want to call you valiyamma from my heart. You always came across as an arrogant, self-centered person with a peculiarly repelling trait of looking down upon others. From the few observations I made, during my annual visits to Kerala, you weren’t much of a favourite of anybody in my father’s family. And yet for some strange reason, most of them seemed to overlook your inane habits and be in a perpetual mode to please you.

Anyway, having said this, despite my reservations with you, I never wished you any harm, because (a) your actions never really affected me or my family personally, and (b) I didn’t want to spoil whatever few days of vacation I had at my grandparents’, by harping on the unpleasantness I felt with you around.

I learnt to keep my safe distance from you.

Until the fateful day that is.

The day when you targeted my mother, humiliating her in front of a whole lot of relatives, that included my father, grandparents, my aunts and uncles. What was sorrier to know was that not one person, stood up in support of my mother. You had ensured that. You broke my mother’s trust. In fact everyone in that room at that moment broke her trust. You made my mother cry helplessly. She had always been the one with the strongest heart and demeanor, but your sharp, hateful words pierced through her making her feel weak and worthless. I despised you for doing that to her! You brought me well on the verge of cursing you from the bottom of my heart. Of course my mother, learnt to forgive you for your petty-mind and emerged even stronger.

Not me but. I have not forgiven you..yet. I may have kept a safe distance from you physically, but I have not kept you distant in my thoughts, ever since that day. And trust me, there has not been a single day when I have not thought of you and wished that you would live to repent those harming words you sprayed at my mother.

You had cursed that my mother would never get to enjoy the love and support of her children. But today,let me tell you, that she has all the support and strength needed from both her children. Whereas, by some strange twist of destiny, your children have estranged ties with you, for whatever reasons. You lost all that power with which you used to dictate others’ lives, when your own life came crumbling down with your children going astray.The relatives, who hovered over you, aren’t seen or heard singing your praises or flattering you anymore.

I’m not sure if you will ever read this letter. I don’t care if you do. All I wish is for you to realize how hurtful your words have been. I wish you would regret the words that came out of your mouth. Being a teacher yourself, you should know the harming value of thoughtless words spoken in aggression.

I wish I could feel sorry for all that you’ve gone through.

********

P.S: ****A chance browse through my drafts took me to this post that I wrote 3 years ago, but never got around to posting. I don’t know if posting it now will make any difference to how I feel about the person the letter is addressed to… but it is an attempt nonetheless to let go of the pent-up grudge that I have held on to from my growing up years.***

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12 thoughts on “Day 7- I wish I could forgive you..

  1. Di, big tight hugs. I can feel your hurt through your words. And for some reason I felt like cursing this person for hurting my most favourite teacher. But I am actually happy to note that she’s already paying for her sins. I don’t understand why people have to complicate others lives. Why can’t they just let us be? Why do they have to spew venom through their words and actions? Lots of love to you and Teacher. Stay happy and stay blessed. ❤

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  2. I always see aunty as a charming lady, full of life and smiles. When a persons throws a boomerang, it comes back to same person. In other words it’s Karma, do good, good will come back and do bad, bad will come back..

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  3. you are a beautiful person at heart Deeps, and you dont need me to tell you that you should not carry these sad thoughts in your heart, it only soils your prettiness.. your heart is pure and doesn’t deserve remembering any such person, at all!

    for someone does wrong to good people, that someone is being taken care by the almighty, and you are seeing the proof already! I bow to your mother, she has personified “the one who forgives is not weak but even stronger person than anyone can imagine!”

    I know how it feels, I can imagine, and I can only tell you the above.. but actually doing it is tough, I know this too!

    Hugs!

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  4. Hugs Deeps! You know what, clearly she has got what she deserved. I know it’s probably mean to say so, but when people do such hateful things, it is bound to come back to them. As for Aunty, her grace and her strength shines through, doesn’t it? What an amazing lady she is to forgive after the way she was treated.
    And I can totally understand how you feel. If she had insulted you, you might have found it easier to forgive but when she did that to Aunty, I completely get why forgiving is such a difficult thing. Hugs.

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  5. Moluuuuu…No words…Just tears after reading this. Am fortunate that nothing and nobody invthis world can alter my children’s love fir me. As for ‘Her’ …Almighty has taken care of everything. Ummmmmaaaass molumaneeee

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  6. Deeps.. hugs to you .. by some coincidence I also wrote about people and their wily ways today…I can so so relate to the entire post… I also can not forgive any one who made my most favorite teacher in this world cry, in fact for me she is the epitome of strength, she gave so much strength and confidence when no one did.
    I believe in divine justice and that is exactly what ‘valiyamma’ is going through right now.. thanks for posting this because it entirely re -affirms my faith in divinity and karma!!

    love and hugs to you Deeps..
    take care

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  7. Hugs Deeps. Good that you got this out. I do believe that God does make people reap what they sow.
    Am so glad aunty emerged even stronger. Hope to meet her someday. 🙂

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  8. Hugs Deeps! I’ve had a VERY similar two people in my life, who I would love to write like this too. Someday, when It must absolutely go from my system, I shall.
    Many hugs to your mom, and a salute as well, for emerging strong, unscathed.

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  9. I have a similar experience with my valiyamma. Mom’s elder sibling. She is a good lady – but goes overboard in trying to ‘help’ people. We had learned to ignore her unnecessary advice and humiliation, also her tendency to pick up fights with literally everybody she has ever been acquainted with – let alone family. We could never think of going to a restaurant without her humiliating the waiter or the manager. My Mom always did what she could for her, but still my Mom was always envied and humiliated. The tipping point was when she did the same to me and my husband when we were in the UAE, and the assertive fellow that he is – he put her in her place with utmost politeness. The ties severed a year back give me so many peaceful nights. Glad you can put her behind too. P.S I still don’t hate her. It simply gives me more peace to not interact with her.

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