Day 17- If only I could’t care less…

I would be so much more at peace.

Sometimes I feel I could learn much from R. With no hang-ups over what others may think of him. Those who know him well, would know what I mean. He is in no rush to please people. He blurts out his opinions bluntly. It’s not that he says things without thinking. Oh he knows well what he says. What he says is what he truly thinks, feels and believes. All the time. He does and says what he wants to, whether people like it or not  is secondary. If they approve well and good. If they don’t he couldn’t care less. There are no multiple tracks running in his mind at the same time.

Unlike me.

I think and think again and then again. Then I feel I should say it. Then I hold back thinking people may dislike me for saying it so bluntly. And end up saying something entirely different, just to please them. Just because that is what they want to hear. And what I truly feel gets suppressed within me which more often than not clashes with my inner peace big time!

I had written once before long back how I would get bothered by someone’s behavior, yet I wouldn’t express it openly for I hate confrontations. But sometimes I get bothered by my own behaviour even more.  No not by my inability to say no. That is a trait I am learning to correct. And I’m getting there, albeit slowly but surely. It’s my inability to stand up for the people I love and care about purely because of this inane habit to be in others’ good books that irks me the most.

Sounds ironic, right? In my compelling desire to be miss goody goody with everyone, I let my own people down.  I should focus on being there for them, the people who matter in my life and standing up for them when anyone pounces on them, right? But I end up staying mum instead because I fear displeasing others. How horrible does that make me sound!

Now my big worry is what if Namnam imbibes the quality from me. So far she has been managing well. She seems to be going the R way, with her heart and head firmly in place :D. I hope she is never governed by the inane urge to please everyone. Rather gives more importance to keeping her own conscience clear and being pleased with herself than anything else. Fingers crossed.

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14 thoughts on “Day 17- If only I could’t care less…

  1. well I guess the little one will learn from her own experiences and hopefully and with all the wishes that come her way she will never have to learn to please everyone and can carry on as she is 🙂 doing what is good for her and what pleases her ALWAYS 🙂

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  2. I think I’m like R. Makes me a “rebel” in most occasions, but what the hell. (Ooooh. Rebel starts with an R :P) Because finally, it’s important that my conscience is clear. I wasn’t always like this, but now I am…life does teach you a lot of important lessons 😉
    Also, you never know if you’ll get one more chance to stand up for the ones you didn’t when you could have. So, I live by the “do it and do it now” mantra.

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  3. I’m somewhere in the middle Deeps. If I feel strongly about something I will say it. If it’s something I am not as passionate about, I can keep quiet. But the problem is that when I am vocal, I’m very vocal and I’m in the definitely bad books of people 🙂 I’m sure Namnam will find her own way. She will figure out what works for her. That’s what I’m hoping for Kunju. She at the moment is a lot like you. I just want her to be whatever works for her.

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  4. You know what deeps today’s kids don’t take anything slightly. They will be respectful but they make sure that what they said is heard. They are very strong individuals not to worry. My husband is like R and after marriage i changed a lot.

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    1. Thank you Sari for those reassuring words. Hugs! I have changed a lot too after marriage, thanks to R’s consistent prodding but there’s still a lot of scope to improve 😀

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  5. That is a difficult thing Deeps – I think I’ve been there and may be dodging there a teeny weeny bit…
    But let me tell you what changes the whole thing – loving yourself more than anyone else…whatever you do – never to be critical of yourself…start doing it forcibly and then it’ll become a habit. Am trying hard. First I thought others will be hurt. But na…there were actually ok when you say no. If they’re not OK, just ignore them and still love yourself. This emotional turmoil becomes high ended stress in later days.
    Big hugs 🙂

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