The joy you feel when you’re able to match up..

To your child’s imagination and finally see the ‘Mickey Mouse Tree’ that she has been trying so hard to show you every morning on the way to school!

She had almost given up on my lack of imagination! It didn’t help that the tree was right next to a traffic signal where we used to mostly stop. I had had ample chances to stop and take a good look, tilt my head side ways, contort my eyes even, in the vain hope of seeing the Mickey Mouse tree. Namnam had even tried explaining the outline of Mickey as clearly as she possibly could, but I was hopeless!

After a point she stopped pointing it out to me altogether. There was no way I was able to see through her eyes.

Until today. When we stopped at the signal again. This time the Mickey Tree showed its face right at me. Probably the tree felt sorry for Namnam who had such a shallow-headed mother with no imagination at all!

Anyway, the important thing is that I spotted the tree. I had half a mind to step out of the car and do little jig! I told Namnam jubilantly that I could see Mickey so clearly now.

It was a moment of assurance that I had not failed my child after all! 🙂

So tell me do you see Mickey too? 🙂

I did NOT do a favour by giving birth to my child!

I came across this photo on facebook a couple of days back which was re-shared by one of my friends from the page of a legendary actor. The photo has got me seething ever since. And it got some 5 lakh plus likes, to add to my chagrin!

Now the part which says that she changes her name, changes her home, leaves her family could be true to some extent. There are families, even today, that endorse the regressive thought-process of girls being ‘paraya-dhan’, where girls are raised to think of the family they grow up in as merely a temporary set up before they leave for their ‘own’ family-by-law.

Having said that I would like to believe that mindsets are changing. More and more women are able to stand their own ground and decide whether to keep their surnames or adopt their husbands’ after marriage, based on their own choice and desire rather than what the society ‘demands’ of them. And its equally welcoming to see men evolve too and accept that their women have every right to choose and decide what they want for themselves.

As for changing home, leaving family, to speak for myself, I have never felt or been made to feel that I have had to ‘leave’ my family after marriage. Yes I did shift from one house to another, but I have been every bit a part of my parents’ house as I have been of my parents-in-law. Also the part which says that a woman moves in with her husband and builds a home with him after marriage, I believe the husband also comes forward and contributes equally to building that home with her.

But the one line that blows it for me is:

Gets pregnant for you, bears a child for you.

I have not found a more ridiculous thing to say than this. Again, I talk for myself and my husband when I clarify that I did NOT get pregnant for him or bear my child for him. It was a well thought out decision to bring our child into this world and we made that decision together, for our own sake and happiness.

When we got married we had decided that having kids would not be our primary focus for another 3-4 years. We needed time to get to know each other, secure our lives a bit better, stabilize our relationship before we could bring a child into our lives.

And when we did decide to take that important step onto the next phase, it’s not as if my husband came up to me, one fine day and blurted, ‘Hey listen will you do me a favour? Can you get pregnant for me and bear a child for me?’! Nor is it as if I went up to him either, asking, ‘Hey listen, will you do me a favour? Can you ‘make’ me pregnant so I can bear a child?’ 🙄

NO! It did not work like that in our case! And I’m sure it does not work like that in any couple’s case! Favour would be the last word befitting here. I was craving for a child just as much. I wanted to be a parent just as much. I wanted to get pregnant and bear our child! The decision was and is never about ‘your child’ or ‘my child’. It was ‘our’ child that we were talking about bringing into this world.

Yes I did go through some bodily changes when I was pregnant, I did get fat, I did go through fair amount of labour pains. But I did not, for a second, begrudge any of that on my husband, neither did I ever think that I was doing him a favour. I know for a fact that if the situation had reversed, my husband would have taken on all that just as well if he were carrying our baby.

I think ‘favour’ is a wrong word to be used to describe anything relating to a relationship as mutually equating as marriage. The onus of every little decision made, every little step taken, every little space give to nurture a marriage rests equally on both the man and the woman.The minute a couple in any marriage starts to think that he/she is doing a favour to the other, it loses its meaning. So merely terming it as thus would be belittling the very relationship I feel.

A Phunny Story..

From me too.

After reading Shail’s hilarious post, I am reminded of an incident which easily makes for one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

The year was way back in 1994, my first year in college. The college was fairly new to me, so I was still learning the ropes of getting around the building. I was already late for my class, so I rushed up to the second floor, only to realize that the classroom was in the first floor.

Now I have a strange reputation of being someone who is always in a hurry! In school, I used to be teased for the manner in which I used to walk so fast! A bunch of us would be strolling and yapping away in our recess and I would be ten steps ahead of them already missing out on the juiciest bits of gossip! And this trait has remained with me till now. One of my friends, the other day, had remarked how I ate so fast that she wondered if I chewed my food at all or simply gulped it down!

Anyway, coming back to my college, I was on the brink of missing my class. I scurried down the stairs hoping I would make it to the class smooth! But those stairs had other plans for me! They didn’t want me to run down smooth. Instead they made me skip a step and I went slipping down to the floor, flat on my arse!

DHADAAAAM!

There were some girls sitting in the next leg of stairs. Before they could realize if I needed any help, I was up, with cheeks red as a cherry with embarrassment. Now when you’re embarrassed to the point of feeling utterly stupid, your brain stops functioning! Just like the way my brain did. Which is why, instead of just walking away, I ended up saying ‘Thank you’ to those girls!

Needless to say the girls were wonderstruck! “Has she gone crazy? Why is she thanking us?” The clueless look on their faces seemed to ask. Well, I had no clue why I had thanked them either. And before they could come up to me to clarify if falling flat on my bum had an adverse impact on my head, I scooted from there.

So now you know what to expect when you see me walk or run down the stairs and skip a step or two. Yup…you can totally expect me to make a fool of myself!

BTW, I may just choose to say ‘Sorry’ in my next fall, so be ready, ok. Or wait..I like the sound of babloogosh. Right, ‘Babloogosh’ it shall be then!

Politics never looked so promising..

is what I said to Smitha after reading her post. And I mean it!

The way the recently held elections culminated in Delhi with Aam Aadmi Party emerging with a never-before-found sincerity and accountability tells me that we are in for some exciting times ahead. Finally here’s a party that truly gives the common man the say of the matter! Here’s someone who truly understands the pulse of the common man as he is one too, and works towards a single minded goal of wiping clean the corruption that has crippled the country.

As I was telling some friends while having a discussion on this topic, I had never really cared about politics in my life up until now, probably because, I was disillusioned by the way our politicians had been exploiting our country for their own selfish gains, failing us each time with their false promises. But with Arvind Kejriwal and his team of members coming to the fore, making all the right noises, saying things that I have always wanted to hear, finally getting around to doing things that mattered, I am beginning to feel a lot more hopeful than ever before of my country’s future. It heartens me to see so many of us sit up, and take genuine interest in the politics if our country.

When Arvind Kejriwal says, while taking the oath as the Chief Minister, that it is not just him but all the people of Delhi who are taking that oath with him, he makes every common man and woman feel responsible for the functioning of the country, in my opinion and belief. And THAT makes me feel empowered. Can you remember a politician or a party give the common man/woman such empowering say before? I cant! Yes we have had leaders act as our representatives and ‘promise’ to address our concerns, only to end up addressing their own gains. But no leader has made me believe as though he/she is serving the people or country. The perception, at least in my eyes, has always been of the elected representatives on a pedestal while the common people snubbed low on to the ground! And now here’s a party who turns the table! Here’s someone who finally puts the common man’s basic concerns over his. Here’s a party who assures that the power to keep the country functioning lies on the common man and woman just as much!

Now I don’t want to comment on how successful they are at the helm in Delhi for the simple reason that it’s too early to gauge yet. Although, to me they seem to me making all the right moves till now. And what I also want to believe is that AAP’s honest, upfront attitude is succeeding, to some extent, in making other parties tread their path. The Chief Minister of Rajasthan, has cut down on her security, another leader has urged the CM of Maharashtra to slash the power tariffs, to cite a few examples. Not to mention the Vice-President of the ruling party talking about adopting an intolerant policy towards corruption! Much as I’d like to laugh at this remark since its his very party that has been siphoning off the tax payers’ money and taking us all for a ride, the very fact that they seem to be getting influenced by AAP’s line of thought is a welcome sign.

Whether they have the credentials to make it big at the coming general elections is for time to tell. So all those of you, dismissing them…please wait before you write them off entirely! Give them a chance and give yourself a chance to feel positive about. For now though, the party’s intentions seem to be in the right place. I hope they continue to stay driven and focused about their policies! I hope they don’t get swayed by the dirty conniving games of politics.

Politics which never really helped the people in general, has come to mean all about people! Thanks to AAP, the focus is back on us, the common people. So let’s celebrate that, let’s ride along this wave and help ourselves!

Happy New Year everyone! Here’s to a new beginning, a new wave of hope!